I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
