at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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