never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize