Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize