No awkward lesbian experiences without me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
