Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
