do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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