Please, let me fuck your mom
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Best friends brother. Beat that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
