That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
