Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i would punch a child for taco bell
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize