omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
