I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
