btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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