he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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