He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
