using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
