Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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