Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
