the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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