1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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