these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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