i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
