Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize