Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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