I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
