you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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