I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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