2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize