I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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