hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
