she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
