he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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