When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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