He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
