My hand turned me down
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just had sex on a roof
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
