You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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