Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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