Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize