He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
