I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
