I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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