so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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