i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
