This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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