I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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