My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
