So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
