dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
