I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
