Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
