Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
