Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
