FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
