you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
