It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
