My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
