He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
