Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
