If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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