is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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