did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
