We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dick very happy bro
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
