Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize