That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
