I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
