she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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