then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He felt like a one man threesome
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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