just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
