Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
