He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
