I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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