If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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